I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
not ubering you a puppy
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
