Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize