First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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