I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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