You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
