I want to walk on stilts...naked
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
