so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
