I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
