girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
