Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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