She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
