The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
