I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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