I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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