I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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