i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
