lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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