Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
