I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
