I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am spending my child support on dildos
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
