somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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