so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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