What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
