dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
