I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
