I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
