Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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