Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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