glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
