me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
