Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
