He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
