i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
