if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
