Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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