i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Randomize
