I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
