i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
