how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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