I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
