Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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