I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
