Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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