I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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