I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
