watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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