I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
