I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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