he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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