We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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