unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Boobs speak an international language.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
