i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
