Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
