I think scott just propositioned me for sex
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
