Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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