I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
