I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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