is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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