i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
