Please, let me fuck your mom
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize