You just made me feel so damn special
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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