He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
