Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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