i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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