Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
