Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
