just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
