I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
