What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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