i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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