It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
