Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
