Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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