Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
