I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
