Swine flu. Run for my life!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
